Thoughts on the Diagnosis---Kent's Story

This is a special "guest post."  (Thank you, Kent, for sharing!)  Kent, and his wife, Mary, have been good friends to our family for several years.  Although, most of dad's friends, and even family, rarely go see him anymore, Kent has faithfully gone to visit dad.  This disease affects dad's friends, too.

Please understand...we understand, and are sympathetic to those who find it too difficult to visit our dad.  It is very difficult to be with someone who cannot carry on a conversation.  It is also very difficult to see the decline of someone you love who was once a very active, and vibrant man.  It's just hard.  We get it. There are no hard feelings for the lack of visitors.  It really is okay.

From Kent:

I first met Dan a little over 25 years ago when I went to work for Black & Veatch, where he was the on-site technician for AT&T.   I was fortunate to get to work with Dan for over 17 years, and still call him one of my best friends.  He was the kind of man that I really enjoyed being around.  He liked his job, loved his family, was a sincere Christian, and lived a very active life.  I always appreciated that Dan and Ginger had been married a long time and still enjoyed being together.  My family spent many happy summer holidays boat-riding and skiing on Clinton Lake with the Gulley family. 

After Dan’s retirement, Dan and Ginger would call me occasionally to meet them for lunch.  Starting after his fall in 2005, I noticed how he became much more dependent on Ginger.  They had always been a good team, but as time went by he relied more and more on her for assistance – even with simple things.  I knew something was not right.

I remember the day when Ginger called to tell me that Dan had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.   I just felt numb.  I told my co-workers about the diagnosis and then just sat at my desk and cried and prayed for their family.  I could not understand how someone who had never smoked, or drank, and was always in great physical condition, could have this disease. 

Since Dan's move into the first care facility, I try to go visit him every few weeks.  The first time that I went, I could tell that he was embarrassed for me to see him there.  He told me that I did not need to come again.  I told him that if it was me that was at Sunrise, I knew that he would come to visit me, and he agreed.  

Over time, the visits became more difficult, as Dan, who used to do the KC Star crossword puzzle every day, would struggle with completing sentences because he could not remember words.  Later, the visits pretty much became me following Dan as he paced the halls.  He has not known me now for many months and he has slowed down quite a bit.  I just talk to him about things I know that he loved – grandkids, family, hunting.  I don’t know if he understands, but I hope that he does.

I appreciate how Ginger still takes care of Dan.  Now, when I go to a wedding and they get to, “…in sickness and in health…til death do you part”, I think of Dan and Ginger.