As I look back about my feelings on the diagnosis...those were the good days compared to now. This is so hard for me, as the diagnosis is nothing compared to the days now, which are getting tougher.
When he was diagnosed, it did not come as a shock. I knew things were not good. The diagnosis came in January of 2010. I had suspected Alzheimer's since early 2006. Deep down I knew I was losing him little by little.
I was not mad, but sad.
My time alone in the evenings, when he was already in bed, was when I sorted my thoughts. When I would go to bed and snuggle up to him, I would cry and pray for God's help. I have never blamed God. I have never questioned, "What am I to learn from this experience?", or "Why me?", or "Why us?"
We have had such a good marriage. We became one early in our marriage, so I was missing part of me. I no longer felt complete. I guess the best way to describe how I felt was...sad.
I started preparing for the future to take care of him by myself. We sought to make memories while we still could.
After the diagnosis, Dan and I came up with our own motto:
"We are on a journey. We don't know how long the road is, but we do know God is with us."
Our lives have changed. The motto has not. God IS with us.
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